January 2010
82 posts
December 2009
39 posts
Boy, hipsters here in LA sure do love the shit out of bad, rainy weather. It gives them a perfect excuse to wear even more layers of retarded, annoying clothes than usual. I’m currently sitting across from a man wearing three scarves, two hoodies and a Holden Caufield hat. God, I hope today ends with him and his ten-speed bike getting dragged under a bus.
6 tags
I fucking love Chipotle.
7 tags
WatchGamedians.com - Ep. 122 - “Tetris” For The Nintendo Entertainment System
Dan and Andrew discuss one of the most popular video puzzle games of all-time with their special guest, visiting Chicago comedian Dan Telfer. Gamedians.com is a video gaming blog written and updated by comedians Andrew DeWitt and Dan Bialek. Check out more comedy and reviews at: http://gamedians.com
3 tags
2 tags
Dear Clueless Idiot Ordering Coffee,
Saying, “Hey, I saw you really late at night waiting for the bus,” is not a viable pickup line and now the girl behind the counter thinks you’re creepy, and possibly rapey and/or murdery.
Just wanted to let you know.
—dan
1 tag
Dear Guys Loudly Discussing The Israeli Conflict At The Table Next To Me,
Please shut the fuck up.
Thanks.
—dan
I am Facebook friends with no less than three Middle Eastern dudes who randomly added in the past few months that I am convinced are members of an Al Qaeda sleeper cell. An Al Qaeda sleeper cell whose online members love the shit out of playing Farmville and that mobsters game.
4 tags
Just discovered that the pants in the pajama set that my mother gave me for Xmas have pockets. So, I guess I never have to wear actual pants ever again. Plus, they have elastic built into the waistband, so goodbye even having to tie them, as well.
This is by far the saddest, most fucked and...
Reblog yours if you can beat this one:
Greetings and how are you today.First i would like to thank you for taking time to read this mail.I am Greg Pujeh the only son of Mr MOMOH PUJEH,I am 16 years old and uncapable of handling anything on my own for now.my mother died some few years back before my dads death .I am an orphane now looking for help from God.we are from Abidjan cote d’...
Best Xmas Present Opening Quote So Far...
My brother-in-law’s in response to my nephew getting the board game Candyland for Xmas:
That’s great, even illiterate people can play it. It’s really popular in Haiti.
I don’t even know what that means.
At 5:32 this morning I got moved from my in-laws’ couch to a bedroom that smells like baby shit. Merry Christmas.
I’m sleeping on a relative’s couch watching my cats and Christmas tree via webcam on UStream.
This is either incredibly sad or awesome.
Probably a little of both.
I can never spell bundt cake on the 1st try.
How come no one has suggested privatizing the military yet? That’s the biggest money waster in our national budget by far.
Just overhead a girl at our holiday party describe her one-person show as being about “race and alienation.” Sweet Jesus, lady, kill yourself. But please shoot me first.
2 tags
2 tags
My wife says that the cat smells like cigarettes because I’ve been petting it. I say how do we know it hasn’t been out sneaking Parliaments while she’s at work. I did not win this argument.
New Message
7 tags
Another Incredibly Inaccurate CNN.com News Article...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/worklife/12/16/cb.worst.phrases.work/index.html
CNN.com just posted this bullshit article about the Ten Worst Phrases To Use In The Office.
Here’s their list:
1. Pick your brain
2. Throw it against the wall and see what sticks
3. Sweat equity
4. It’s not rocket science
5. The ball’s in your court
6. Drill down
7. I, personally
...
