About Me: My name is Dan Bialek. I’m a standup comedian, writer and all-around retarded person. I live in Los Angeles, California. I’m also married and have two cats. And, also, I’m pretty great at writing super boring bio paragraphs like this one. Nothing on this page will ever be of any importance or help you in any way. And for that I apologize in advance. new TWTR.Widget({ version: 2, type: 'profile', rpp: 4, interval: 30000, width: 200, height: 300, theme: { shell: { background: '#333333', color: '#ffffff' }, tweets: { background: '#000000', color: '#ffffff', links: '#4aed05' } }, features: { scrollbar: false, loop: false, live: false, hashtags: true, timestamp: true, avatars: false, behavior: 'all' } }).render().setUser('danbialek').start(); var sc_project=4978576; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_partition=57; var sc_click_stat=1; var sc_security="1fbf0121"; Tumblr (3.0; @thatjerkdan)http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/3993be46a77e8f0472a6892ef24bae07/tumblr_mkp2ajdJHS1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Paul’s new blog.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/47041326541http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/47041326541Wed, 03 Apr 2013 12:32:43 -0700<iframe src="http://www.funnyordie.com/embed/44cecca1a6" width="400" height="256" frameborder="0"></iframe><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://bonercityusapodcast.tumblr.com/post/46345111591/behold-true-cinematic-excellence-from-the-danish" target="_blank">bonercityusapodcast</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Behold, true cinematic excellence from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/danishandoneill" target="_blank">The Danish & O’Neill</a>.</p> </blockquote>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/46345389204http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/46345389204Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:00:58 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/7cddbbdc58e78738ea1026e1e06a9231/tumblr_mh0lclarHw1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Boner City USA made the front of the iTunes comedy podcast section today. Super happy about this.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/41180262128http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/41180262128Mon, 21 Jan 2013 22:43:33 -0800<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/8b9263c37bb2cad241cc7ff77a14df35/tumblr_mgsl0lcMdj1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>This Saturday at 11pm. New logo, new venue. <a href="http://twelveshinynickels.com" target="_blank">http://twelveshinynickels.com</a></p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/40793002195http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/40793002195Thu, 17 Jan 2013 14:55:32 -0800<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/70b4486f69e0f74f7ef4add2e0c3bfc3/tumblr_mghfm0feRu1qa05ueo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://lookhowbadiparkeddotcom.tumblr.com/post/40282739614/reblog-this-photo-and-get-a-free-5-pack-of-these" target="_blank">lookhowbadiparkeddotcom</a>:</p> <blockquote> <div class="caption"> <p>Reblog this photo and get a free 5-pack of these stickers.</p> <p>(Just shoot us an “ask” message and we’ll hook you up.)</p> </div> </blockquote>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/40283490633http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/40283490633Fri, 11 Jan 2013 14:34:33 -0800<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/2d34f00a67f7547271ed89190bbda2e1/tumblr_mg8r398oPm1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/39910382206http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/39910382206Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:54:45 -0800<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/ff945e017fbaae085ce65f2eaa43bc81/tumblr_mfzdr7SC7Y1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Lucky Cat and her new best friend… our floor’s heater vent.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/39445420376http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/39445420376Tue, 01 Jan 2013 20:28:18 -0800<iframe width="400" height="225" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/SDGEqwO_dJg?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://dorksplosion.tumblr.com/post/37846978663/the-new-hungover-guidance-counselor-episode-says" target="_blank">dorksplosion</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>The new <a href="http://youtube.com/dorksplosion" target="_blank">Hungover Guidance Counselor</a> episode says you might want to reconsider working for Santa.</p> </blockquote>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/37851177128http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/37851177128Thu, 13 Dec 2012 12:27:29 -0800<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/ae61012906cf46ac936f14a0a64efb21/tumblr_menolbnCpQ1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>They got tired of trying to sit on my balls while I played Borderlands 2.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/37396232596http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/37396232596Fri, 07 Dec 2012 02:17:35 -0800<p>You really don&#8217;t save that many letters naming something &#8220;Light Pomegranate Lemonade&#8221; instead of &#8220;This Completely Tastes Like Diarrhea.&#8221;</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34790448427http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34790448427Thu, 01 Nov 2012 16:23:20 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcs7awjQvJ1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Every product and service advertised at this car wash is aimed at people with ample disposable income and awful, unenviable lifestyles.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34729233784http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34729233784Wed, 31 Oct 2012 16:44:54 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcqrooZUmj1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>The diabetes surgeon cut off her feet. Sixteen lbs each.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34687124523http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34687124523Tue, 30 Oct 2012 22:10:00 -0700<p>I bet nobody calls him &#8220;The Space Cowboy.&#8221; It&#8217;s probably just a stupid nickname he gave himself that friends snicker about behind his back.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34656634825http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34656634825Tue, 30 Oct 2012 14:26:09 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcou5nDlcQ1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>New AFT Snow shirts right off the press.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34619126500http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/34619126500Mon, 29 Oct 2012 21:08:11 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc7weoaIiD1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33993890522http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33993890522Sat, 20 Oct 2012 17:37:36 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbtcd3XTyg1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Jesse Jordan Go live at the #sfcbf. (Taken with <a href="http://instagram.com" target="_blank">Instagram</a>)</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33474832265http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33474832265Fri, 12 Oct 2012 20:58:15 -0700sfcbf<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbss5a2qeY1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Security at LAX figures if you were born before World War II that you’re way too weak and feeble to start any serious shit at an airport. C’mon, lady in the Rascal scooter in front of me, prove these sons of bitches wrong. (Taken with <a href="http://instagram.com" target="_blank">Instagram</a>)</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33447610461http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33447610461Fri, 12 Oct 2012 13:41:33 -0700<p>The Starbucks next door is closing for renovations. Where are all of the scary hobos outside our office going to shit for the next month?</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33169410666http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/33169410666Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:32:29 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb2yj2f79J1qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>This is why they hate me at the fertility clinic. (Taken with <a href="https://api.instagram.com" target="_blank">Instagram</a>)</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/32479380320http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/32479380320Fri, 28 Sep 2012 15:01:50 -0700<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_marh1kwo291qzlbozo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I support gay rights 99.999999% of the time.</p>http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/32058291229http://thatjerkdan.tumblr.com/post/32058291229Sat, 22 Sep 2012 10:10:32 -0700